Written by Oliver Holt
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Thursday, 6 January 2005

The King Of Pop Michael Jackson has taken an unusual step in order to get away from the pressures of his legal matters, he has decided to join the biggest soccer team in the world Manchester United. Jackson will not only train with the clubs array of stars, but he will also have the opportunity to play for the team should manager Sir Alex Ferguson be impressed with the eccentric icon.

Manchester United released a statement this morning which read 'Manchester United Football Club are proud to present its latest signing, Michael Jackson has signed an inital 6 month contract which can be extended depending on future circumstances. We feel Jackson will not only add to our already huge market appeal, but will also enhance our squad as well as adding more character to the dressing room'.

The reason for this signing however remains a confusing situation with Manchesters young Portugese star Cristiano Ronaldo quoted as saying 'Im not sure why he has been bought here, maybe it has something to do with the managers plan to make the average age of the squad younger'. Wayne Rooney was also quoted as saying 'His appeal to the younger market is not good for me, I prefer the older audience'.

Jackson will be paraded at Old Trafford before the club plays in the FA Cup this Saturday, he has requested the number 1 shirt to be assigned to him, currently held by out of sorts US Goalie Tim Howard. Wether Sir Alex Ferguson will give Michael preferencial treatment remains to be seen. Analysts believe this to be a publicity stunt by the club in order to continue their uprise in the US market, however Chief Exec David Gill replied angrily by saying 'Michael has been bought for what he can do on the pitch not off it'. To which he later realised that maybe his wording wasn't the best.

Michael has already started representing the colours of his club and had his designers manufacture a logo onto a blazer, he wore this while he and his entourage arrived at Carrington Training Complex in Cheshire Manchester for Michael to undergo his medical examinations. He passed with flying colours and said he was impressed to see there was no 'doo doo' on the wall. Unlike his last examination.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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