Written by Rick Elvee
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Tuesday, 23 March 2010

The Texas Rangers have, shall we say, questions within their organization.

First, their 57 year-old manager, Ron Washington, was reported to have told team president Nolan Ryan about his use of cocaine last year, before he took a drug test he knew he would fail. Washington told Ryan that it was a one time only thing and he made a mistake.

Confusing Dr. Pepper and Pepsi is a mistake. The remake of Planet of the Apes was a mistake. Trying blow at the age of 57 while managing a major league baseball team, not so much.

I can imagine that conversation going something like this...

"I thought it was sugar Nolan, I swear."

"But cocaine doesn't taste like sugar Ron...or so I've heard."

"Haven't you seen Starsky and Hutch? I put it in my coffee, just like Ben Stiller. Could've happened to anyone."

"Oh, I see. That's a strong Cup-o-Joe...Cup-o-Blow!"

...Clearly, Ron Washington's argument was not this compelling.

Yet Nolan Ryan decided to give him a second chance. With this decision, he won the "Questionable Call of the Year" award, presented by me.

Are. You. Serious?

Points against Ron Washington:

1. No one outside of Texas knew his name until it was used in the same sentence as "cocaine." We're not talking Joe Torre here. We're talking average skills at best. Replaceable.

2. Claimed to have tried cocaine for the first time in this instance. As a 57 year-old man, we all knew this was a lie. Low and behold, in the same day which ESPN came out with the initial report, Washington admitted to rather heavy drug use as a player, including amphetamines, marijuana, and yes, cocaine. Surprise.

Even after revealing the extent of his drug use, he is still the manager of the Texas Rangers. If you're asking me (you are), this can only mean one thing.

Nolan Ryan must be doing blow, along with a myriad of other drugs (probably acid), to allow a 57 year-old coke head to manage his team.

Maybe Josh Hamilton introduced them to crack?

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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