Written by IainB
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Monday, 15 March 2010

image for Michael Owen Comes Clean
Michael at the Press Conference today

Michael Owen has employed the same PR company as Wayne Bridge, Ashley Cole and John Terry in an attempt to get into the world cup squad.

With the news that despite stepping down and having some girl he knew in the past sleeping with somebody he once played football with, Wayne Bridge is still highly fancied to take part in the World Cup, Owen has seen that there is no such thing as bad publicity. John Terry may have lost the captain's armband to Rio Ferdinand, but he is still going to the World Cup, whilst Ashley Cole will also be going, despite admitting to sending naughty pictures to random women.

Owen's case is further bolstered by the sudden upsurge of record sales of his brother, Mark Owen of Take That after his announcement that he is a philandering drunk.

"I have decided that my career cannot be hurt by my admission," Owen said at a press conference. "If anything, the extra publicity will ensure that Capello has no choice but to take me to South Africa instead of that donkey Heskey. Therefore, it is with a heavy heart that I admit that I am, in fact, a woman and have been all my life. It's not something that I'm proud of, but there it is, and my name is really Michelle."

This revelation explains a lot about Michelle Owen, his short stature, his high pitched voice, his insistence on having his own shower cubicle, his mysterious twisted ankles after nights out and his nine month weight gain and sudden weight loss in 1997.

Fabio Capello has since come out and said that he feels he can now definitely not take Owen to South Africa. "The World Cup squads can only have men in them. It's sad, but it's true. I feel he should have chosen a different admission. Drink is always a good one."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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