Written by John Kerruish
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Sunday, 14 March 2010

image for Pompey enlist Bond villain in attempt to beat drop
could the dead bring Pompey back from the grave?

There were reports yesterday that administration stricken Portsmouth have enlisted the help of the skull faced Baron Samedi, a villain in the James Bond movie 'Live and let die', in their attempt to fight off relegation.

A source close to the club said that manager Avram Grant met with Samedi, a figure of death in the voodoo religion, late last week to discuss the possibility of exploiting a loophole in premier league transfer regulations which bans the movement of players between clubs outside of the transfer window but does not ban the movement of dead players resurrected as zombies in some horrific voodoo ceremony.

'This could prove a fantastic deal for the club in their attempt for premier league survival', said the source. 'Not only could Portsmouth bring in new players by exploiting this loophole, but footballing legends such as George Best and Bobby Moore could soon be weaving their magic through Fratton park albeit in a flesh hungry, zombified state'.

The source went on to confirm that an initial deal had been struck between Portsmouth and Samedi but that there were some minor safety concerns regarding the potential of zombie players to run amok and tear the Fratton park faithful to bloody pieces in an insatiable quest for warm fresh brains.

'Baron Samedi eased the managers concerns and insisted that any dead players would be completely under his command and would pose no threat to other players or fans', the source continued. 'He then threw a live cobra into Avram's face and leapt onto the back of a moving train, howling with laughter as it disappeared into the night'.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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