Written by Jo Dash
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Friday, 12 March 2010

image for Almost the reason for Liverpool's dismal season
Glen Johnson?

The reason for the shocking performance of Liverpool FC this season had almost been discovered today.

Cleaners at Bell End Community Centre in Manchester investigated "muffled" noises coming from lockers in the changing rooms.

Upon closer investigation it seemed each locker contained a "real" Liverpool player gagged and bound, suggesting individuals from Manchester were out to sabotage the Kops by replacing the Liverpool team with lesser skilled footballers, thus giving Man U a head start this season.

Police went to Liverpool's training ground to investigate further and found a bunch of clowns attempting to kick a ball around, however, forensics have issued a report saying that DNA matches had confirmed that the clowns were in fact, the "original" Liverpool FC, and despite Rafa's best attempts, there is no excuse for the fact that they are unfortunately, really really shite.

On a less important note, the individuals found gagged and bound were the ex lovers of Katie Price who she deemed not worthy of earning her enough publicity.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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