ATLANTA - Two-time Super Bowl winner and Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger has found himself in a bit of a pickle.
The possessor of one of the hardest NFL names to spell and pronounce was being investigated on charges of intentionally grounding his balls.
Big Ben, as all of his ex-girlfriends call him, said that he was sitting in the Georgia Peach Pole Dancing Lounge minding his own business when he was approached by a woman who said that she was a cheerleader for the Atlanta Hawks of the NBA.
It later turned out that she was not a cheerleader at all but an insurance adjuster for The Land of Cotton Insurance Company of Savannah, Georgia.
The sexy 21-year-old fine as strawberry wine blonde named Sally Amanda Dipperleyfax, aka Sal, aka Mandy, aka Salamanda, told one of the bartenders that her vital measurements were 40-24-38.
She stated that when she was in the ladies restroom sitting in stall #4 taking a good old-fashioned southern pee, she said that the stall door suddenly opened up and a man stood in front of her.
She said that the man appeared to be naked except for what looked like a Pittsburgh Steelers football helmet. She asked him what he wanted and she said that he replied that he was looking for his football.
When told that it was not in the stall, he remarked that he wanted to check and make sure because the football had been a gift from Vice-President Joe Biden.
At that moment is when she said that she was able to see what the man did and she clearly saw him intentionally ground his balls.
She said that just then two black girls walked into the ladies room and saw the helmeted man standing in front of the door stall.
She said that one girl said, "Hey honkie, just what da hell does ya thinks you be doing here in our restroom. Dis here shitroom be for us girls. You best get your cracker ass out of here, fore I call da manager and tell him dat you be molestin' me and my roommate."
Ben immediately left the club without even paying his tab. The Atlanta Police Department is presently conducting an investigation into the matter of Roethlisberger intentionally grounding his balls.
In other news. Ann Coulter has announced that in keeping with her nickname of "Trigger Face" she is seriously considering changing the spelling of her last name from Coulter to Colter to reflect the very obvious horse theme.