Written by Earl Grey
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Tuesday, 2 March 2010

image for Keith Harris And Orville In Bid To Buy Manchester United
Which one's the dummy?

An audacious attempt to seize control of Manchester United from the Glazer family has been launched. A group of city businessmen have attempted to raise the £1billion plus which will be needed. However, they were still short of this figure until the involvement of Keith Harris and Orville the Duck was secured.

Harris, a keen Manchester United fan and ventriloquist, was asked for his comments. Orville the Duck said "I wish I could fly way up to the sky and crap on the Glazers from a very great height".

It will not be the first time that a ventriloquist's dummy has been involved in football. Phil Neal was assistant England coach during Graham Taylor's era and Bob Wilson regularly appeared on Football Focus.

The deal is by no means certain to go through. The Glazers, unlike their opponent, are no dummies and are expected to launch a move to strengthen their position at the club. Cuddles the Monkey is expected to take up a position on the board.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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