Written by Nae mair crap
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Sunday, 28 February 2010

image for Subo ARRAS sect corners Olympic gate market

Observant viewers will have noted that skiers must ski through "gates" on Olympic downhill and slalom events. Each "gate" is easily identified as it is red. Hundreds if not thousands of "red gates" are used throughout the competitions.

A group of Canadians, still celebrating their Olympic curling gold medal, partied all night at Whistler. One very nearly sober, certainly gibbering Canuck talked about receiving and installing the gates.

"The flags were delivered in a security vehicle by several middle aged women. They were blessing everyone and everything. The slopes, the gates, the whole thing was blessed. There was even someone wearing a fox outfit, waving a Scottish flag and calling out, see you Jimmy, och aye the noo. But that didn't sound like any Scottish accent I ever heard. My folks are Scottish from way back and I have watched every single episode of "Monarch of the Glen", so I do know the accent"

He continued while his drunken, but happy friends gave a rousing rendition of "Oh Canada" while waving their red mittens.

"After we unloaded the gates, they blessed everyone of them as we moved up the mountain installing them. They even sang a song, sounded like Up to the Mountain or something churchy. Strange thing was they all wore red scarves and had loads of lapel pins (badges), looked like Susan in Japan, Susan in NY, Susan we love you, Susan come live with us and so on. It was so weird man, sure freaked me out"

Further investigations revealed that the gates had been made in a NY sweatshop by hundreds of middle aged women, all wearing the red scarves and lapel pins (badges) so popular with the delivery ladies on the ski slope. High above their heads hung huge red plastic banners with Always Red Room Above Satan coloured by hand in very thick black felt tip pen.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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