Written by Earl Grey
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Thursday, 25 February 2010

image for Ashley Cole Fling With Ivana Phuque
Ivana Phuque In Training

Ashley Cole is rumoured to have turned to blonde Swedish speed skater Ivana Phuque when his marriage began to get him down.

The Chelsea and England left back probably sobbed as he might have said: "I needed a shoulder-and a big pair of breasts-to cry on. Ivana was the perfect girl for me. She doesn't know anything about football, but she is an international sports star. She understood me."

Phuque, the controversial Swedish athlete was unavailable for comment. She has recently been competing in the Winter Olympics where her skimpy outfits and surgically enhanced bust have drawn many comments. However, a close friend of hers, believed to be originally from Salford, said "Ivana is not the sort of girl who wants to settle down. All Cole will ever be is just another notch on the bed post. She trains hard and her sex drive is always pretty high just before competition time."

These latest allegations mean that any chance of a reconciliation between Ashley and Cheryl Cole are over. Few women can match the sexual prowess of Ivana Phuque.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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