Written by Earl Grey
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Sunday, 21 February 2010

image for Ashley Cole Tried To Hush Up Affair
A hairdresser's chair yesterday

Ashley Cole is accused of trying to hush up an affair. Ronnie Corbett, the pint sized star of The Two Ronnies and Sorry has come forward to reveal all.

Corbett said "I never knew he was married. Our producer would be most shocked to find this out. In fact if our producer found anything out he would be shocked. I met Ashley at a hotel. I was appearing at the local theatre as Widow Twankey's left nipple. He was appearing as Chelsea's left back. We shared a can of Tizer. I'm afraid it went straight to my head. It's the bubbles you know. Always happens. anyway, I woke up in bed next to Ashley Cole. Later he contacted me and said 'Please keep it quiet'. Well, I can't. You've seen my show. I sit in a big chair and waffle on for ages and it all just comes out."

Ashley Cole denies the affair. He insists he was screwing a haidresser at the time.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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