VANCOUVER, CANADA-Following his dramatic gold-medal winning performance on Wednesday, snowboarder Shaun White spoke to journalists about his victory, and also took the time to forward his observation that the gold medal he was awarded contains some "trippy-ass shit."
"Dude, have you ever just looked at a gold medal? Man, actually look at that shit sometime. It's pretty nuts," said White. "I mean, like, I've won a shitload of medals, man, in like the X-games or whatever but I never really paid attention to them? I mean I saw it, I recognized it, but I didn't actually look at it, yo."
The 23-year-old claimed that his revelation on the nature of the medal came late last night as he indulged himself in a Subway Melt and watching Harold and Kumar Go to White Castle.
"It just sort of struck me: I was like 'Fuck, man, aren't we all just, like, looking for our own White Castle? What is my White Castle? Is it snowboarding? I don't even know, yo.' And so I took a look at the gold medal and I almost flipped my shit, b."
"The Olympic rings are totally, like, there, you know?" said the Flying Tomato, apparently rhetorically. "And it's totally, like, the ring on the left is still connected to the one on the way right even though they don't touch. I was just like 'Fuck me, man, that's some deep stuff.' Plus, it's got all that Greek iconography and whatever, even though the Greeks didn't do snowboarding. By the way, how gnarly would it be if the ancient Greeks had snowboarding? That would be a serious party, broseph.
"Anyways, have you ever felt an Olympic medal?" continued White. "It's pretty fucking heavy, I'm not gonna lie right now. I don't even want to know how Michael Phelps carries all that shit, man. My neck would be all like KRRREEEESSSHHHH!!! It'd be totally screwed.
"Anyone got any Twinkies, by the way?" concluded White.