Blushing Meadows - (Hawkeye): Just weeks after revealing to Spoof reporter queen mudder her nocturnal torment at the imaginary hands of grand slam ace Rafael Nadal, the Russian tennis star has spoken about her contempt at his steamy video with blonde Colombian singer Shakira.
"You can tell he fake all that passionate stuff," Sharapova snorted dismissively.
"For starters Nadal pillowtalk always in Russian: Glasnost, perestroika, stolichnaya, nazdravie!
"And when he really turned on - by some amazing, classy hotass babe like me! - you can see his, er, veins pulsate.
"I look at that video and I see nothing. Nothing except a wily vixen on the rocks trying to snare my Rafa.
"Truss me, this bad omen for little Ms Peroxide."
The two minute Shakira video ("hahaha, it would be two hours if he was with me!") sees Nadal and blonde Shakira - born Isabel Mebarak Ripoll - cavorting against a rocky background.
It's being released next week along with the singer's new hit Gypsy, rumored to be a love-song about swarthy macho Spaniard Rafael Nadal.
Venus Williams is 29.