VANCOUVER, British Columbia - The traditionally peaceful and apolitical Olympics now has a new sport: The Anarchist Riot.
While thousands of people exercised their rights to free speech by protesting peacefully, youngsters with no meaning or purpose to their lives were not happy that the Olympic games are a chance for countries that are politically antagonistic to each other to get together and compete in the spirit of peace and good will. These shiftless youngsters with nothing better to do with their lives decided to spontaneously add the "Anarchist Decathlon" to the winter Olympics venue.
The Anarchist Decathlon like the better known decathlon consists of 10 graded events. This year's Anarchist decathlon includes the following events:
- Long Distance Rock Chucking
- Synchronized Car Burning
- Tandem Window Smashing
- The Garbage Can Toss
- The Police Barrier High Jump
- The Tear Gas Gag & Puke
- The Random Mugging On Live Television
- The 100 Meter Sprint Away From Police Dogs
- The Picket Sign Endurance Lift
- The Indignant "Why?" Scream When Being Arrested For General Douche Baggery
Medal winners have yet to be announced, as being an anarchist event, there is no central governing body to set performance standards, and participants prefer to remain anonymous. So once again, they've done little but waste their lives and destroy other people's property. Maybe they should get the gold medal for the Sucking At Life event.