Written by Bill Licks
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Tuesday, 16 February 2010

image for David Beckham is confident he will perform well tonight
It's all about me

It's his biggest play since the Los Angeles Scorers beat the Cincinnati Crazies in the final of the US Supreme World Series soccer finals earlier this year, but David Beckham is certain he will put in his best ever performance in the big showdown between the mighty Sloppy Giuseppe's of AC Milan and the Scottish team, Manchester United, tonight.

'I'm ready to give it my best shot' announced an upbeat Beckham. 'United are my old team so I'm looking forward to showing them what they're missing nowadays.'

So is Beckham looking forward to shooting some 40 yard scores from outside the penalty zone? 'Sure I am, if the gaffer, Leonardo gives me a chance on the pitch. But in the meantime I'll be trying my hardest to get as much camera time as possible on the bench by stroking my beard as if appearing to be deep in thought and looking a little bit moody. Occasionally I might break into a cheeky smile if the United fans sing one of their really funny songs. Perhaps I'll get off the bench and jog up and down the sideline clapping and waving when they see me. I'll then do one of my stretches and look up and grin some more when there's a camera close to me. Then I'll go and sit back down again, pick up a bottle of water and swig it, and lift up my shirt to wipe my face revealing my toned six-pack.'

Beckham also hopes that Great Britain soccer coach, Fabio Capello, will be watching and will be impressed by his performance in preparation for the upcoming World Cup tournament in early fall.

'Fabio is a big fan of being caught on camera, pulling faces and shouting things in English that sound Italian so no one knows what he's actually saying. If I put in a good performance on the bench tonight then I'll be guaranteed a place on the bench in the World Cup, right next to Fabio. The camera will never be off us'

You can see highlights of the game tonight at 22.30 Eastern Seaboard time, 19.30 Western Coastal time on Fox Sports Extreme right after the live World Series College Cheerleading finals from Starksville Tenesse.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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