Written by Daniel Bristol
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Monday, 8 February 2010

image for New Orleans wins Super Bowl: No one cares!
Hot Football Action Unrelated to the Super Bowl

New Orleans, LA - In what will go down in history as the Super Bowl's greatest upset, the New Orleans Saints came out of nowhere to lead the Indianapolis Colts 31-17.

However, as most NFL analysts have reported, nobody gives a shit.

"What? The Saints won the Super Bowl," said veteran commentator Terry Bradshaw. "Wow! That's nice. Hey Mussburger, pass me them cheezballs!"

Other sports announcers have cited the Saints' decades of epoch-shattering mediocrity as one of the major causes of no one giving a good goddamn that they won.

"Ya see," said John Madden, but no one gives a shit what he says, either, so reporters just walked away.

New Orleans, usually renowned as a major party town, failed to show the slightest bit of interest. "Hey, even we know they suck," said Larry LePoofter, head chef of "Le Restaurant" on the Big Easy's totally fictitious Whiskey Avenue.

However, several NFL referees were seen at the local convenience store buying reams of lottery tickets. "I figure if the Saints can win," said one zebra, "the stars have gotta be out of whack or something! I'm cashing in! If that kind of luck is floating around, I gotta get my scratch tickets!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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