After days of rampant speculation, it is now official, John Terry, is no longer the captain of Coach Fabio Capello's England team.
Capello speaking in front of hundreds of reporters from all over the world, including Alaska, Borneo, and Phoenix, stated that he had grown tired of hearing and reading all about Mr. Terry's behind-the-scenes sexually-themed exploits.
The England coach made it known that he is not pleased to read about Mr. T's allegedly boffing this pretty girl, or that pretty girl, or that fellow teammates pretty girl.
Capello, who states that he has never once ever boffed a pretty girl, said that it is utterly disgusting and he will not put up with it no matter how good the player is, or may think he is.
The Italian coach added that if Terry wants to act that way then he suggested that he pack up and move to America and learn how to play golf.
[EDITOR'S NOTE: I think that Capello may be making a reference to 'Golf Gate,' in which Tiger Woods reportedly 'Boffed' about 14 or so 'Boffettes.']
After Coach Copello finished talking, he asked J.T. to hand over his captain's armband. Terry replied that he must have left it in his car and that he would get it for him after the press conference.
Terry was asked for a comment by the assembled reporters. Terry looked down at the floor, and then at his arm where the captain's armband normally is.
He cleared his throat, took a puff of his Marlboro Light, and remarked, "I am the greatest footballer in the entire United Kingdom. I am even better than all of those so-called players from Latin America, and I am definitely way better than any American 'soccer' player."
One of the reporters hollered out for him not to hurt his arm patting himself on the back.
"Bite me ya punter."
The reporter replied, "Well maybe ya should be bitin' your wife - did ya 'appen ta see the pix of her in Dubai...goodness mate 'er gorgeously sexy arse was hanging out of her little bikini bottom like bananas hangin' from a bloomin' banana tree. Downright blarney delicious it was, she was."
Terry's eyes welled up with tears. And as he left to go to his car to retrieve the armband, a reporter from Afghanistan heard him say, "Gosh, I miss Toni's arse so fookin' much."
In other news. Prince Charles has denied rumors that his wife Camilla Parker-Bowles is with child. Charles winked, and said that her 'playpen' was boarded up years ago.