Written by Monkey Woods
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Friday, 5 February 2010

image for Vanessa Perroncel Says John Terry's Cock Smaller Than We Would Imagine

Vanessa Perroncel, the model at the centre of the John Terry Scandal, has spoken out today in a French newspaper interview, claiming that Mr Terry's penis is not as big as people would think, and "nothing to write home about".

Perroncel is the former girlfriend of ex-Chelsea 'star', Wayne Bridge, who, whilst still with Bridge, had an affair with Terry, an affair that has had severe consequences for the Chelsea defender.

Meanwhile, housewives up and down the country have been imagining what it must have been like for Perroncel, rumping-and-a-pumping in the sack with the man who would almost certainly have led the England team out onto the veldts of South Africa at the World Cup, had he only had the good sense to keep his cock in his trousers.

And it's that cock which has come to be the focal point of this rather drab tale, as a gushing Miss Perroncel claimed it was "disappointingly small" and "went limp" several times during coitus.


If John Terry is reading this, I just want to say that I was forced to write the story by 'someone else', and you can tell your lawyers that.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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