John Terry, the Chelsea and England defender 'under investigation' by the tabloid 'newspapers' for allegedly shagging his former teammate's bird, may have bedded the entire Chelsea team's wives and girlfriends (WAGS), it has been alleged, by me.
Terry, who has already admitted he licked out Wayne Bridge's former girlfriend, Vanessa Perroncel, with the relish of a man who has been told he has only five minutes to live, has now been linked with a host of other slags and sluts who, at this point, wish to remain nameless.
But one of them may be Cheryl Cole, who is married to the Chelsea left-back Ashley Cole.
Sorry, that just slipped out.
Another one of them might have been striker Didier Drogba's Malian-born wife, Alla, but that is pure speculation on my part.
Terry is likely to lose the England captaincy after his philandering has left him a terrible role model for kids - the English FA deciding that it would be much better for young children to use such clean-living icons as David Beckham and Rio Ferdinand as examples of how to play fair.
Even Ferdinand's deliberate failure to turn up for a drugs test in 2003, and Beckham's daft tattoos have not stopped these two dunderheads from ranking above the cocksure Terry in the role-model stakes. But support for this idea is not universal. A football fan we interviewed told us:
"At least JT doesn't have a drug habit that we know about, and he isn't covered in unsightly Chinese markings. Sleeping with the Chelsea WAGS could be seen as a form of leadership and of strength, and of determination, particularly if he had to put up with Cheryl's grainy yawl whilst they were at it."