Serena "Monster Mouth" Williams famous for threatening tirades on the court, has filed a formal "Unfair Competition" complaint with the WTA, alleging Australian Open finalist Justine Henin is "way to fast because she doesn't have to pack any boobs around like I have."
Williams, who sports a tank turret topping 40-34-39 figure, figures her boobs weigh in at 35-45 lbs. depending on whether Uncle William "Refrigerator" Perry has been on top sucking on them the night before. Henin, does wear a custom sports bra from Toys- R-Us, but there is strong rumor that the size is less than "Jr. A Cup" and she probably has less boob mass than a 12 year old boy.
"That's unfair, and I want some points in advance for being disadvantaged, she could be half-man for all I know said Williams."
Henin in response indicated she was also disadvantaged because it is unclear whether Williams is part Ghetto Ape. "I don't think I am required to be on the court running for my life from an out of control primate; look what happened in the last Open, now line judges carry side arms."
Attempting to avoid such a ruling that could affect many of the tour's Half-Man types, Martina Navratilova began searching to see if there are any options for the two.
Reporting from the Land of Half-Man Follies