Written by Richard DagNabbit
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Topics: Breasts, Tennis

Saturday, 30 January 2010

image for Serena Williams Files Unfair Competition Complaint Alleging Henin Too Fast Due to Lack of Boobs
Personally, I'd Run from Serena, Just as Fast as Fuckin' Possible

Serena "Monster Mouth" Williams famous for threatening tirades on the court, has filed a formal "Unfair Competition" complaint with the WTA, alleging Australian Open finalist Justine Henin is "way to fast because she doesn't have to pack any boobs around like I have."

Williams, who sports a tank turret topping 40-34-39 figure, figures her boobs weigh in at 35-45 lbs. depending on whether Uncle William "Refrigerator" Perry has been on top sucking on them the night before. Henin, does wear a custom sports bra from Toys- R-Us, but there is strong rumor that the size is less than "Jr. A Cup" and she probably has less boob mass than a 12 year old boy.

"That's unfair, and I want some points in advance for being disadvantaged, she could be half-man for all I know said Williams."

Henin in response indicated she was also disadvantaged because it is unclear whether Williams is part Ghetto Ape. "I don't think I am required to be on the court running for my life from an out of control primate; look what happened in the last Open, now line judges carry side arms."

Attempting to avoid such a ruling that could affect many of the tour's Half-Man types, Martina Navratilova began searching to see if there are any options for the two.


Reporting from the Land of Half-Man Follies


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