Written by Earl Grey
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Friday, 29 January 2010

image for Wayne Rooney Shows Off Fab New Figure
Mrs Rooney looked on proudly

Only months after the birth of his son Kai, England football ace has shown that he is back to full fitness and looking trim. He attended a football match at Manchester's Old Trafford and was seen wearing a fetching red and white outfit.

At one point a gust of wind caught the outfit, presumably when Sir Alex Ferguson started shouting at his team. Wayne proudly showed off the results of an intensive crisps and chocolate diet regime. He was not shy and paraded in the open for all to see.

Many fathers were amazed that Rooney had managed to recover his figure so quickly. Stig O'Tool of Didsbury said "I just don't know how he did it. He looks fabulous. I'm just so jealous. When I had little Stig junior I tried everything-beer, doughnuts, crisps, you name it-but it was just no use. I lost all my curves."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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