Man Utd have released their financial results and shock, horror, their owners have increased their immense debt to $1.17bn!
Just to make the news even better, Man Utd reject and Man City "Superstar" the "Terror Teves", delivered United a double whammy in the local derby last night and spoilt Sir Alex's late dinner!
Teves could just not hack it with Sir Alex, his very pigeon English, scarface or just plain old "Mr Angry" look was too much.
In fact it drove Fergie to despair and the bottle, Whisky that is!
As for United's Yankee owners, The Glazier family, they promised United fans great things???? US STYLE!:
Huge debts, no understanding of buying and selling decent strikers, mediocre performances and stunning "Cheer Leaders" from Miami who never turned up, too fucking cold in Manchester!
Fergie meanwhile in his best Glaswegian and totally pissed gave the following interview:
"Teves is a TOSSER, he can score as many goals against Man Utd as he wants but he's still an Argentinian TOSSER!"
"As for the debt, I'll flog Rooney to Barcelona and ask Becks to buy United!"
By that time a third empty whisky bottle smashed against his most hated poster, Jose Mourinho, and he mumbled, "that flash bastard will never replace me!"
And The Walls of Jericho came tumbling down.