Written by Monkey Woods
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Thursday, 21 January 2010

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The future for United?

It's not an easy subject to handle, but someone has to say it - Manchester United, the champions of the English Premier League, and former European Champions are in decline - it's official.

United, who under manager Sir Alex Ferguson, have won 23 Premier League titles, 14 FA Cup trophies, and have been crowned Champion's League champions 6 times, lost to city neighbours Man City on Tuesday in controversial circumstances, to rubber-stamp their slow demise into oblivion.

Carlos Tevez, the 'player United didn't want', scored both goals in a 2-1 Carling Cup semi-final first-leg win to leave United fans crying into their beer, which was already well-watered-down after their arch-enemies, Leeds United, stunned them with a deserved 1-0 victory at Old Trafford in the FA Cup recently.

United have also slipped to second in the Premiership behind southern nancy-boys, Chelsea, and, having played a game more, their season looks over already. Add that to the fact that, due to crippling financial problems, the Reds may have to sell their star player, Wayne Rooney, and the future looks decidedly grim.

This morning, several United fans had gathered outside the Theatre of Dreams to register their dissatisfaction at Sir Alex and his recent poor record. One said:

"I get pissed off if we don't win every game. I only like to follow a winning team!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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