Received by Special Morse Code, the Sports Desk has just received word that underdog Bret Farve is out for the playoffs due to rheumatoid arthritis in his hips, thumbs, eyes and both Big Toes.
Fearing a serious loss of underdog spirit against much more frisky but gay buckaroos, Cap'n Childress reached into his bag of bad movie tricks and pulled a fast one surely designed to steal the Stuper Bowl Trophy and leave fans yowling "Rocky! Rocky! Rocky!. Childress has singed and named Sylvester Stallone aka Rocky Balboa as starting quarterback throughout the playoffs, sending advertisers and promoters into a big dollar frenzy not seen since queen mudder was unmasked and shown to be none other than Calista Flockhart in her somewhat more flexible yoga daze.
Stallone, now 62, was last seen pumping steroids with Mark McGwire some 25 years ago when biceptual madness was at the heart of the American public and the Rocky Series was making money hand over fist. "Absolutely no one does underdog like Sylvester, so it makes sense to replace Farve with the real thing stated Childress.
Stallone, preparing meals for a local Senior Citizen assistance center, said he was "ready for action and even if Apollo Creed did get through the line, he'd be handing off to Ed Marinaro before any low blows could be landed, and with Fran Tarkenton as back up, "I'll feel free to take more risky throws deep into the backfield."
In an attempt to keep up with the underdog hype and big money heading in that direction, Indianapolis brought back and signed Roman Gabriel to a one year contract, anticipating a Wheelchair Olympics style Stuper Bowl bound to bring in throngs of baby boomers and convalescent home T.V. viewers to the audience
Several sixty second ads at close to $ 6.5 Mil each have already been sold to pitch the clapper and the Scooter Store is reportedly in line for the rest of the big dollar spots.
Reporting from the Geritol generation,