Written by Morse
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Saturday, 16 January 2010

image for Lane Kiffin Says: The Only Reason I Left Tennessee Was So My Wife Could be a Cheerleader at USC!
Lalya Kiffin(bimbo babe on right) Shows Up at Frist Day of Cheerleader Practice at USC: She Shoots....She SCORES!

Stories continue to unfold about the mysterious and late night defection of University of Tennessee Football coach Lane Kiffin to football powerhouse, USC.

Details of Gypsy Coach Kiffin's contract at USC reveal some surprising perks never before given to a coach with a losing track record so bad even Notre Dame didn't want to have a 'get down to Jesus' meeting with him.

According to insiders close to the negotiating process, the final clause in Kiffin's new contract, value as yet undisclosed, but surely bigger than the $2m he was paid at U.of Tennessee, was the fact that his wife Layla, daughter of former Pro Quarterback John Reeves, would regain her cheerleader eligibility and be cleared to join the Cheerleading Squad for at least two more years despite transferring from the University of Tennessee without matriculating.

Layla, a Home Economics and Finance Major, with a body better than most of the cheerleaders at El Paso Community College, is said to be anxious to start workouts, despite having two pre teen children at home.

When asked about care for her kids, Layla, a blond California Bombshell, said that had been well taken care of in the contract she had negotiated for her husband...."We have arranged for several bilingual nannies to come in and home school the kids in all the important things like the proper makeup, managing your Black American Express Card, and learning to order off the take out menu from 5* California Restaurants.!"

Layla said she has already arranged for the children to go shopping for new kid's outfits with Tom Cruise and his wife saying, " we left all those red neck outfits in our Tennessee mansion....the people in Haiti will probably find some use for them and we can certainly use the write off!"

Back in Knoxville, students have said to have looted the former Kiffin home, and those undergarments of Layla's not burned in effigy, are now for sale on E-Bay, with L.L. Bean Flannel thongs bidding starting at $5 washed and ironed, and $2500 for those labeled "well worn, as is, where is."

The California State Bird is : The Valley Quail, but U.of Tennessee football fans are filing a petition to have it changed to the Turkey Vulture.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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