CHICAGO - The Sports Globe Network has just signed six baseball superstars to appear in a brand new reality show entitled Hey Have We Got Some Big Baseballs Or What?
The show which was originally titled, OK, So Who The Hell Is Lying? will feature Mark McGwire, Jose Canseco, Roger Clemens, Barry Bonds, Sammy Sosa, and Rafael Palmeiro.
The host of the sports show will be Ticky Tackarelli, who was the batboy for the Houston Astros up until the time he was convicted of money laundering.
The six baseballers will sit around a minor league clubhouse and each will talk about the worst scandal to hit the world of major league baseball since it was discovered that spitball pitcher Otis Picklefacker was really not using spit on his spitballs but a combination of Compound W and Preparation H, which he mixed in his trailer house and then hid in his ear.
Once Picklefacker arrived at the ballpark, he would make his way over to the bullpen where he would then transfer the W/H mixture over to a spot in his mouth where one of his bicuspids used to be before he pulled it out himself with a pair of handy wire nose pliers.
Baseball officials claim that Picklefacker probably would not have ever been caught if he hadn't sneezed during the championship game and had the W/H mixture shoot out and hit the home plate umpire Clovis Humpdilly smack dab in the mouth.
Well right away Humpdilly's lip sores went away, but his upper and lower lips actually shrunk so bad that it caused his nose to end up on his chin, which ended up scarring the hell out of some of the fans who were sitting directly behind the home plate backstop.
The game was cancelled since Humpdilly could no longer yell balls or strikes since his mouth had fallen back into his throat area. The batter, Bubba Wackanello said that it was the ugliest thing he had ever seen, even uglier than his grandma Eppie's seven pound placenta that she keeps in a big mason jar in the pie pan cabinet in the kitchen.
In other news. The Panama Canal, which reportedly has not been cleaned in over three years, has been shut down by The International Canal Monitoring Agency because of the four week old Slime Flu epedemic.