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Wednesday, 13 January 2010

image for Tennessee Volunteers Search For New Head Football Coach, Boise State's Peterson First on List
The Vols need a new man to lead their football team

The abrupt departure of head football coach Lane Kiffin to USC has prompted the search for a replacement at the University of Tennessee. The Volunteers are scrambling to find someone else just one year after hiring Kiffin to replace Phil Fulmer.

The University's search committee will interview as many qualified candidates as quickly as they can to secure a quality replacement before all of the best ones are taken.

Number one on the search list may be Boise State Head Coach Christ Peterson, who has guided the Broncos to a 49-4 record in the past four season, has won 2 BCS bowl games, and has the best winning percentage in college football during that time. The drawback on Peterson is that he coached in the WAC conference (and the SEC tends to look down their noses at that).

"Why would we want him? He ain't no winner," said Billy Bob Thudpucker of Tick Holler, Tennessee. "He lost to Hawaii on year, and they got thumped by Georgia in a BCS bowl that same season, so he can't be any good."

When told that Peterson had just signed a new, multi-year contract, Tennessee officials just laughed. An anonymous committee member who refused to be identified (but whose name is Travis Buford Johnson III) said "Kiffin signed a contract with us, so what do contracts matter?"

Another coach high on the list is also, surprisingly, from the WAC. DeWayne Walker of New Mexico State University is being courted by Pete Carroll to go to the Seattle Seahawks as his defensive coordinator. Our anonymous source (Travis again) said "He had the worst offense in college football this year, and lost a ton of games, but he must be worth something if Pete wants him. We gotta try to get 'im first!"

When told that Tennessee might be pursuing him, Walker said "you're kidding....right?"

More information will be printed as it becomes available.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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