Lance Armstrong had an accident while racing in the "Tour De Cleveland" bicycle race yesterday, resulting in the tearing of his bicycle shorts. That rip also brought some unwanted public exposure to the many time Tour De France champion.
As young girls swooned at the sight of their hero in all of his glory, men and racing officials screamed at him to "put that thing back in your pants, Lance!"
Race judge Marty Kiffin said "I've heard of leaving it all on the race track, or hanging out with the competition, but what happened here was ridiculous."
Jennifer Simmons, a race volunteer who witnessed the accident, said "I always wondered if he rode a ten, twelve, or fifteen speed bicycle. I still don't know about his bike, but I know that Armstrong is a twelve!"