Written by Jalapenoman
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Wednesday, 13 January 2010

image for Jerry Jones Sells Naming Rights To Different Parts of New Dallas Cowboys Stadium
Johnson Farms Manure Company hopes you notice their logo on the rear of the tight end.

Jerry Jones is trying to recover some of his billion dollar investment in his new Cowboys Stadium by selling naming rights to different areas withing the sports venue. While naming rights to the entire stadium are not for sale at this time, some parts of the arena are available for purchase.

The first sale was to the hamburger chain Burger King. On the locker room of the world famous Dallas Cowboy Cheerleaders, they will place their logo and the words "Home of the Whoppers."

The home team locker room will be sponsored by Acme Bail Bonds (and players will receive a 15% discount and a frequent user card).

The training room will be sponsored by Bali Bra's. Bali has also said that they hope that the players can have an uplifting experience when they are treated for their injuries and chest colds.

Vaseline Petroleum Jelly will sponsor the gift shops on the main concourse, and hope that fans can enjoy experience of getting bent over by the prices of the foam fingers and souvenier t-shirts.

Miracle Grow will sponsor the trophy case and also the peep windows into the cheerleader's changing room.

KY Jelly His and Hers will sponsor the physical therapy staff offices.

Johnson Farms Manure company will sponsor the Press Box and their manure logo will be featured on all press releases coming from the home team.

Zebra Pens has volunteered to sponsor the official's dressing room.

The Texas Department of Corrections will be in charge of sponsoring the chain gang that works the sidelines.

Jerry Jones has also said that his team's uniforms will come to resemble those of NASCAR drivers with the multiple logos of all sponsors on the shirts and pants. Johnson manure company has requested their logos be placed on the rear of the pants, while Burger King wants their Whopper logo on the breasts of the cheerleaders. Other logos may also be strategically placed, but the other two companies paid extra for specific product placement.

All of these companies and their logos will be in place by August and the start of the 2010 preseason. Other sponsors may be announced as contracts are signed.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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