SAN FRANCISCO (SPOOF) -- Los Frijoles' Fantasy Football team owner, Daniel Ureste, is suspected of temporary insanity when he almost purchased a $1,900 couch after winning his second straight game. When we asked why he would even consider such a thing, here's what we found:
Spoof: We understand that you won your second game against the BALCO Allstars; how does that make you feel?
Daniel: Great - Woo-hoo (pumps his fist).
Spoof: Why did you contemplate purchasing that couch?
Daniel: Hey, easy guys.
Spoof: Was it because of these wins?
Daniel: Hey, easy.
Some experts are suggesting that Daniel's intentions were not due to his two wins but to an alternative influence. Still, no one can be too sure. "Mr. Ureste is well known to be one of the best coaches in the Fantasy Football league," Commissioner, Elias Gonzalez, commented. "He's won several Vanni cups and played with the heart and zeal that every owner would like to see in a coach. Off the field though - Daniel has shown signs of mental instability; but never when it came to Fantasy Football... I don't know where this all came from to tell you the truth. I only know that he's a great Fantasy Football owner/coach and that's one mother-(expletive)ing expensive couch."
Other coaches in the league are baffled as well. One owner/coach that wanted to remain anonymous stated, "He came to me first before going public with his intentions and I tried talking him out of it. It got to the point where I told him I would take him to some of the thrift shops in my area as a kind of convention but he still didn't agree. I'm just glad that the couch was sold before he could make the purchase because this whole thing could have really gotten blown out of proportion."
In a way, no one will ever really know the reason why coach Ureste almost made this egregious life-error. People suspect that it was due to his wins and the only evidence we have right now is the timeline. First came the two wins; later, the intent buy. As for what the rest of the season will bring, we'll have to see....