Written by Skoob1999
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Wednesday, 6 January 2010

image for Billy Connolly To Take The Reins At Turf Moor
Jubilant Clarets Fans Celebrate The New Appointment.

Following Owen Coyle's shock defection to Bolton Wanderers, Burnley Chairman, Frank Sideboard this evening announced that the Premier League club already had it's eye on a possible successor.

"We're giving serious consideration to offering Billy Connolly a three year contract," Sideboard told us in the club's Turf Moor boardroom.

Nodding sagely, Owen Loveseat, a club director, told us:

"It's no joke. Owen was a dour Scotsman who worked wonders for the club, so we thought we'd look for a confident character to continue in that vein."

"Aye," said club Treasurer Billy Linenbasket. "And if team are playing shite, he can ollus cheer t' crowd up wi' one of his observational comedy routines. Or summat."

We managed to speak to Billy Connolly through his agent to get a reaction.

"Awae tae fuck, ye fuckin' bampot!" he said, immediately prior to hanging up on us.

Billy Connolly is 67.

More as we get it.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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