Written by Monkey Woods
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Tuesday, 5 January 2010

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Bournemouth this morning

Hull City manager Phil Brown has confirmed that his team's FA Cup 3rd round exit at Wigan Athletic was due to the fact that the Latics 'need' to have a good 'Cup run' was greater than that of the Tigers, and he had, therefore, ordered his City players to 'allow' the Lancashire club safe passage into the 4th round.

Brown, speaking after his side's 4-1 pounding at the JJB Stadium, said that Premier League survival, and not a money-spinning cup adventure and a potential Wembley appearance, was what the club sought and, in sone ways, he said, he was "glad" City had been dumped on their arses.

Brown told our Spoof reporter:

"In our position we don't need the encumbrance of a glorious Cup run. The fans don't want it either. They want us to roll our sleeves up and get back to the nitty-gritty of bashing our collective heads against a brick wall to try and secure the odd point from a 0-0 draw against other crappy teams around us at the foot of the Premier League. That's what football's all about, not poncing off to remote destinations like Bournemouth, Carlisle and Wapping, and winning 4 or 5-0. The fans are realists - they don't want that."

He went on:

"Besides, Hull City already progressed to the Semi Finals in 1930, and too much of a good thing can make a team complacent."

Many fans agreed with Brown's sentiment. One, John Zucker, said:

"I'm with Browny. Who wants exciting trips to little-visited outposts, giving us the opportunity to spread our wings and fill our boots by scoring a potential hatful of goals against some minnows with a leaky defence, when you can get back to the 'bread and butter' of weekly hammerings as a result of a drubbing at Wigan?
Well said, Browny, that's my view!"

Mr Zucker was then led away by doctors in white coats.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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