Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Topics: Basketball, NBA

Saturday, 2 January 2010

image for NBA Players Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton To Meet On Main Street At High Noon
The Verizon Center, home of the Washington Wizards.

WASHINGTON, D.C. - Two NBA basketball players reportedly each drew a pistol on the other in the urinal room of the Washington Nationals dressing room.

A witness, Finnster "Broomstick" Fickler, who works as the nighttime custodian at The Verizon Center said that he was mopping up a puddle that one of the big tall basketball jerks (his exact word) had accidentally made when he peed in front of the drinking fountain.

Fickler said that all of a sudden he heard two voices arguing. He turned and noticed that the voices were coming from the urinal room and were getting louder and louder.

He said that he then began hearing the "N" word. And Fick, as Coach Saunders calls him, pointed out that by "N" word he did not mean "Nude," "Naked," or "Nevada."

Ficky, as his wife calls him, remarked that he put his mop down and walked over to the entrance to the UR, as Nationals Coach Flip Saunders calls it.

As he peeked in, he saw the two 'arguers' and noticed that it was Gilbert Arenas and Javaris Crittenton. And each man was holding a pistol in his hand.

Fickler said that right away he thought it odd as hell since both men were completely naked and he wondered where the hell they had gotten the guns from.

He said that he heard Gilbert say that he was the better looking of the two. And Javaris replied that he was the better looking. Just then Coach Saunders walked in and told them both to hand over their pistols.

He told them both to pick a corner and go stand in it. Both men complied with his instructions.

After about 30 minutes, Saunders told each man that he wanted to see them both in his office. Gilbert asked if they could put on some clothes first. Saunders grinned and said yes, by all means please hell yes.

Coach Saunders met with both players. He said that they would each be fined $12,000 and that the money would go into the team's Christmas fund which is used to buy presents for the teams cheerleaders.

SIDENOTE: Saunders said that he has decided that both players will appear on Main Street at high noon sometime this coming week and each will be given a paintball gun and at the count of three, they will each draw and fire. And the one who hits the other one first will be the winner and the loser will have to buy him a brand new 2010 black Cadillac Escalade SUV, just like the one that Tiger Woods used to own before he got rear-ended in his own driveway on Thanksgiving night.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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