Written by Richard DagNabbit
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Saturday, 2 January 2010

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Las Vegas Opportunity for Rory?

AT&T, one of Tiger Woods' previous megala dollar sponsors before the Tiger was being exposed as an all time two timing hound dog and porn industry reverse fluffer, is rumored to have approached Rory Mcilroy about stepping into the #1 role model position in golf. The endorsement contract offered by AT&T is littered with sex restrictions and a morals clauses that require all pecker activity to be with sluts pre-approved by AT&T chaperons and his mother.

"All he has to do is put his balls in the right holes and its his for the taking" stated AT&T spokesman Needles N. Haystack. "We wish Tiger well, but believe his time at the top of the Leader Boards is essentially over even though his choices of women are at the top of the nation's Bill Boards now."

Rory was unavailable for comment due to a commitment in Las Vegas with "Wild Man" John Daly, but his new girlfriend, Rachel, did leave a message referring us to his agent. His agent, Glorianus Stallred, indicated she had not spoken with the up and coming great for a few days and could not comment on the proposition.

Propositions being offered up to young Rory in the propositioning central City of Las Vegas are unknown, but PGA Tour Commissioner Tim Stinkem is reportedly taking Las Vegas off the tour schedule altogether, based on risks to the virile young PGA stars of today. "There is just too much pussy available and far too many pheromone sprays in use for a hot star to deflect, and of course now there are wolves in sheep's clothing just waiting for the right opportunity. "Its all about M-O-N-E-Y" said the Tour Commissioner, and "it would be nice if our sponsor's purse money didn't end up in the hands of bimbos, porn stars and low life lawyers."

Little Wonder Why.

From the Land of Propositions and Opportunities,

Dagnabbit Rabitt, Reporting

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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