Washington Intellectual Wizards players Gilbert "Home Boy" Arenas and Javaris "Mo Fo" Crittenton had each other pinned down in the team's locker room at half time with a withering array of gang banger style 9mm and 45acp shots. Ricocheting bullets around the locker room purportedly left a series of "in and out" wounds on Intellectual Wizards players; the rest fortunately, were air shots with no points scored.
According to witnesses, the two giants of Intellectual Wizardry, Home Boy and Mo Fo placed bets with each other before game time as to who could snort the most cocaine and still score 10 points by half. When both had 10 points or more at the half, the two pulled guns from their lockers and started an 'OK Corral" shoot 'em up to finalize the "who won and who lost" of the bet.
While the firing range festivities were taking center stage, it is reported that Coach Ed "Head-Shot" Tapscott snaked a three point cocaine score from Mo Fo's open locker while no one was defending. Home Boy saw his Coach smiling and rolling his eyes giving Home Boy the notion that Mo Fo had given Coach an assist with some "free throw blow" instead of paying up.
SWAT squad units finally arrived, and instantly started taking jump shots at the crouching Mental Wizards with their MP5's. Both geniuses finally gave up when the Coach called for a time out so he could finger roll some more cocaine and wipe the rim of his nose.
After the Mental Wizards were netted up and placed in a juvenile ward for the mentally retarded, NBA Commissioner David Stern was questioned about the appropriateness of such wild behaviors going on with players earning millions per year. Stern in response stated "Hey - its a slam dunk money maker and it brings attention to an otherwise boring team of bookworms; remember, these guys went to top colleges at taxpayer expense and that's why we call them the "Mental Wizards"
Headshot Tapscott was last seen doing the "double dribble" on his suit and had to be confined to his offices for detox.
From the Land of the Mental Giants of Wizardry,
Dagnabbit Rabitt Reporting