Canberra, Australia - The Australian Government has moved to expel the state of Victoria from its National borders after its attempt to derail the country's bid to host the FIFA World Cup.
Deputy Prime Minister, Julia Gillard, stated that "The rest of the country has never liked Victorians but have tolerated them because they're easy to ignore. However, their dummy spit over sharing Melbourne's sports stadiums in 2018 or 2022 made them look, and smell, like raw prawns left too long in the sun, and we had to get rid of them. We did try to trade the state to New Zealand for a packet of maltezers and a sheepdog with a dodgy leg but the Kiwis understandably declined the swap."
Number one dummy spitter, Andrew Demetriou, head rah rah boy of the Oval Balls Rool Club, commented "Jeeze, that's going a bit far over a sport played by wogs, poofters and sheilas, aint it? I mean, if our season is shortened where else can our young men go wearing bumcrack hugging short shorts and a flamboyantly colourful muscle shirt, I ask you?"
Dummy spitter number two, David Gallop, boss of the No Rules League, agreed. "What was wrong with us asking for compensation for our season being disrupted? I think ten certifiably drunk 17 year old girls per player per week to swap amongst themselves as they see fit as per usual, automatic dismissal of all assault cases including WAG's bashing (to use soccerspeak), plus the right of every player to shove anything up their nostrils and defecate in public whenever they so desire, wasn't too much to ask - just a SNAFU Clause, really."
Both Anna Bligh and Kristina Keneally, Queensland and New South Wales State Premiers, respectively, hailed the Government's decision to evict Victoria as a victory for a progressive intelligent Australia. "And if we have to hold a World Cup to get some decent hot totty over here, then bring it on!" concluded Premier Bligh.