Written by Jalapenoman
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Wednesday, 30 December 2009

image for Texas University Fires Football Coach Mike Leach
Mike won't drink this, and that ain't right!

A Texas University announced the firing of head football coach Mike Leach. Leach was under investigation for placing a player with a concussion in a small room for three hours on two different occasions (trainers were with the player the entire time and Leach claims that it was at the recommendation of medical personnel).

Leach, however, was probably fired for another reason. While his was the winningest coach in the program's history and brought them to the brink of the national championship game in the 2008 season, he is also on the verge of a huge contract payoff.

If Leach was still the coach of the team on January 31st, he would receive $800,000 as a bonus. Interesting that the school fired him one day before that bonus was due to be paid!

University Spokesman said "It weren't because of no money or nothing. We got us other reasons fer firing Mike."

"He was always taking up two parking places the way he parked his car. Ever-body knows you don't want a bad driver bein' the one to drive your football team."

"We also done seen him one time get two sodas from the Coke machine when he only put in the money for one. While that may have been the machine's mistake, he still kept it. We here at the University considers that theft of school property."

"One of the cheerleaders also told us that Coach Leach smiled and stared at her one day when one of her titties fell out of her top. You just can't be makin' the girls uncomfortable cuz that's sexual harrassment, even if they are nice titties and they flash 'em at ya."

"Mike also has a bit of a weight problem and we think that our football coach outta be in better shape and not have a beer belly, even if he is a Mormon and don't drink no beer."

"That thar's also another reason. Mike's a Mormon and not drinkin' beer just ain't right. It don't sit well here in the South Plains."

"Yep, we got us lot's of reasons fer firin' Mike. It weren't just about the money."

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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