Written by matwil
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Topics: Darts, Phil Taylor

Friday, 25 December 2009

image for Darts Grand Slam to feature Phil Taylor playing against himself in every match

As professional darts has become such a non-contest dominated by Englishman Phil 'The Darts Player' Taylor, next year's Grand Slam of Darts will simply feature him playing against himself in all the matches.

'The early rounds of quick games won't be easy', Taylor said, 'I'll have to be on top form to beat myself. But by the later knock-out rounds I hope to have warmed up a bit, and a few good maximums will get the crowd going.'

Because darts has become so uncompetitive Taylor may take turns with himself as being the popular nice guy the crowd love to see, and a boo-hiss pantomime villain that gets booed and hissed at, and gets shouts of 'Miss!' when he's about to play.

'It's a good idea', Taylor said, 'though I'll need to get more nicknames. Let's see, how about Phil 'The Gruesome Monster' Taylor? Or Phil 'The Overweight Slob' Taylor? No, no, that's Ted Hankie's nickname.'

Bookmakers instantly made Taylor the odds on favourite to win all the matches at the tournament, but as always he was cautious about being over-confident. 'Well, I know it all looks a little one-sided', he admitted, 'but you're only as good as your next match. The fact that I've won my last 650 matches in a row is no reason to not put a lot of training in to be ready for the competition.'

Russian female darts star Anastasia Dobromyslova was disappointed that it would be only Taylor playing, though, as she has become a great favourite with male British darts fans. 'But is no point, Phil he always win and would beat me and all the other players easily.'

Jocky Wilson's false teeth were unavailable for comment.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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