Written by NickFun
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Topics: Sex, Tiger Woods, Golf

Thursday, 24 December 2009

image for Few People Feeling Sorry for Tiger Woods
Tiger uses a golf club to try to place a small ball into a hole.

Even as the holidays are upon us, few people interviewed feel sorry for the worlds highest paid golfer Tiger Woods, according to recent opinion polls.

"He's getting laid by some of the hottest women in the world and we're supposed to feel sorry for him", asked 56 year old New York bank manager Troy Spileski. "I divorced my wife three years ago and I can't even got some ugly hag in a bar to jump in the sack with me!"

"Tiger Woods can suck my (penis)", said Los Angeles bartender Nick Vachon. "He's making a truckload of money every week, drives fancy cars, sleeps with rich gals with huge boobs and he's got a wife who's a frickin knockout! I'm saving my sympathy for people who are suffering".

Larry Serven, a financial advisor from New Canaan, CT, was the only sympathetic voice. "Gee, I would hate for that to happen to me. I hope Tiger has a Merry Christmas in spite of all this. Maybe this is God's way of telling him to stop being such a slut!"

Woods claims he has no intention of seeking treatment for sex addiction saying, "If sexy women were coming onto you and pressing their boobs in your face would you be the saint and turn the other cheek? If you say yes to that question then you're a damned liar and you can suck my (penis)!"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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