Written by Onionuttapam
Rating:

Share/Bookmark
Print this

Saturday, 12 December 2009

image for Usain Bolt resigns from post of role model

Usain Bolt, the Jamaican sprinter who has captured the imagination of not only Jamaicans, but sport-lovers all over the world, today resigned from the position of role model citing unwillingness to accept the burden of rolemodelship.

At a press conference held in Kingston, Jamaica, Bolt asked his fans to relieve him from the post of their role model. "I'm Usain Bolt. I run fast and I break world records. And I'm happy with that. Though I'm flattered and honored by the additional status of rolemodelship conferred on me by media and by my millions of fans all over the world, I respectfully decline it. I request all my fans, admirers and well-wishers to immediately withdraw the title of role model granted to me."

Usain Bolt who holds the world records in 100m and 200m sprints and became the first man in the world to win both the races during the same Olympics when he broke the two records said that while he was extremely pleased that people consider him a role model and look up to him, he had never signed up for the job.

"All of my life I've trained hard to run fast. I've trained my body to perfect every move and every bend around the curve. But I've never taken any training for rolemodelship. The job of being a role model to millions has been thrusted on me without my permission. I accepted it in good faith, but now I'm worried that my lack of training in this role will be exposed someday and I'll become an object of intense media scrutiny, public ridicule, derision and corny jokes. I don't wish to become a snivelling caricature of my self."

"I don't want to be subjected to funny, punny headlines like "Usian's unbolted and foot-loose ways shock fans." or "Boltgate: A bolt from the blue for his fans."

Bolt said that he would like politicians, industrialists, teachers, doctors, scientists, judges etc to take up the job of society's role models. "I just don't see the connection between sports and the job of being a role-model. I don't understand why a guy who runs track races should be a expected to take the onus of being a role model to the society. How does running or playing golf change the world for better? The people who can really effect changes in the world are politicians, businessmen, scientists, doctors and teachers. Shouldn't leaders of these professions be granted the privilege of being role models? Why me? Why Tiger? What have we done to deserve such honor? Why are poor sportsmen expected to shoulder the burden of the failure of other, more important professions to throw up good, clean, honest role-models?"

"Please, just leave me alone! Go find more worthy role models. I'm just 23, a young man who wants to enjoy life and make as many mistakes in life as are legally allowed. I just want to go out there and run, run, run and have fun, fun, fun. I don't wish to be observed, scrutinized closely and judged for every slip up, every misdemeanor, every transgression and every personal indiscretion. I get paid to run, not to be a shining example of goodness and perfect conduct. I request my fans not to expect too much from me. I spend most of my waking hours busting my ass trying to shave off that extra one twentieth of a second from my timings. The last thing I need during my remaining waking hours is the responsibility of being a perfect human."

"Please remove me off from your high pedestal before I fall from it and hurt myself badly!"

Usain Bolt's girlfriend Mizicann Evans was upset when she heard the news that her world-record beating boyfriend has resigned from the post of society's role-model. "Yes, I'm very upset that he didn't consult me before making a public announcement of annulment of his contract of goodness with the society. But at the same time I'm also relieved that he has renounced from this post before his marriage." Evans declined to comment whether their relationship will be effected by this move. But she accepted that his resignation was a strong signal from him to not expect fidelity or faithfulness in their relationship.

His resignation from the job has also sparked speculation that Puma, the sports good manufacturing company with whom he has signed a multi-million dollar endorsement deal, may not renew his contract. A spokesman of the company said the company is surprised at this unexpected development and is reviewing the situation. "Yes, its a matter of concern. Although our contract with Bolt didn't include any condition requiring him to act as a role model, we are shocked that he chose to unilaterally terminate his contract of good behavior with the society without informing us. We are worried that our customers might chose to shift their loyalties to rival companies whose sports gear is still being endorsed by role models. Another cause of concern is that other sportsmen may follow the lead of Bolt and also renounce role-modelship. We don't want to be in a situation where we don't have any role models left to endorse our products."

Make Onionuttapam's day - give this story five thumbs-up (there's no need to register, the thumbs are just down there!)

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

If you fancy trying your hand at comedy spoof news writing, click here to join!

Print this

More by this writer

View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story
View Story

Share/Bookmark

Mailing List

Get Spoof News in your email inbox!

Email:

What's 3 multiplied by 2?

2 18 6 11
79 readers are online right now!

Go to top