Written by Helen Tarnation
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Thursday, 10 December 2009

image for 14 'Tiger Babes' offered honorary golf club memberships
'Tiger Babes' could get one of these, too

The list of 'Tiger Babes' now totals fourteen, and their local golf club, has extended offers of honorary membership to all of them.

The named invitees for this unprecedented golfing accolade include: Rachel Uchitel, Jaimee Grubbs, Kalika Moquin, Jamie Jungers, Mindy Lawton, Cori Rist, Holly Sampson, and Joslyn James.

'We of course extended the same offer to Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren', said a spokesman. 'After all, she's a totally hot babe, and we figure, she won't be his wife for long, so she definitely has to be in the bunch.'

At a press conference, the spokesman declined to identify all the offerees by name.

'A lot of these totally smoking hot babes don't want to be identified just yet, since they're working with lawyers to make deals for Tiger's phone-sex tapes and private videotapes', he said. 'We want to respect their privacy while they're negotiating deals to make Tiger completely penniless.'

Asked why they were extending such unprecedented offers, the spokesman didn't mince words.

'Look, we don't care if they know how to golf, or not. If they want to learn, they can have free lessons from the best in the world. If they don't want lessons, they can still play any tour they want, anywhere in the world.'

'Heck, they can caddy if they want. Even in the hotel room.'

'Bottom line', he added, 'all the guys want to get what Tiger got.'

Thus far, there are no reports of any 'Tiger Babes' accepting the offer.

One 'Tiger Babe', who declined to be identified, said, 'No way these old farts have a putter in their bag like Tiger's. And even if they did, I doubt that any of them want to do it on video.'

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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