Reports are coming in that Tiger Woods will now be escorted to and form all tournaments by Meridith Baxter and Chaz Bono. Tiger's sponsors and advisers have agreed that social contact with women other than his wife should be limited to brunettes over the age of 95. Tiger's wife has stated all Tiger's social contacts should now be with the family's dog and those contacts should be in the dog house, not a cat house despite his name being "Tiger".
Leona Helmsley is rumored to have been brought back from the grave with her dog's leash and will supervise Tiger's activities at hotels and restaurants. No nubile white chicks will be allowed within scent range of Tiger, and no young blond bimbos will be allowed in the players tent. All cocktail waitresses will be brunettes 65 and over. Tiger will be allowed to count his stroking.......... and Elin Woods is singing about the money......... 10,20 30 40 50M or more......... as soon as he screws up I'm out the back door..............
Thankfully Tiger's handlers have canceled his subscription to Teen Angels and his membership to Golden Gold Diggers Anonymous. Tiger: Have you learned anything about cheap tricks?
Reporting for BNN News,