Written by Aisubeki Akiudo
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Topics: Tiger Woods

Friday, 4 December 2009

image for Rachel Uchitel paid $1m by Tiger Woods, but he still denies 'it'
Uchitel - now fucking loaded? No fucking shit!

(Defecated News)Reports in the last few minutes have confirmed that the alleged payment of $1m from Tiger Woods to Rachel Uchitel DID happen, although Woods claims to have a reasonable explanation for this.

With his ever-uncertain marriage, and with a face like he's been ten rounds with Tyson, things seem to getting from 'fucking shitty beyond belief' to 'fucked up beyond all recognition, muthafucka'.

But with the news of the $1m payout, Tiger Woods was quick to defend his actions and deny that it was really a scheme to stop her talking about how 'they shared love juices'

In an EXCLUSIVE interview with The Spoof, Woods explained himself:

"Rachel is a fine upstanding citizen and represents all that is good and right about the US of A. I did not on any occasion have sexual relations with that woman. Although I did ask her to stick a cigar in her 'holiest of holes' for me while I 'knocked one out'..."

"Yes I paid her, but that was for her buy herself some new shoes and some tampons."

Tiger's wife, Elin Nordegren (who is SERIOUSLY hot - I mean, what the fuck was Tiger thinking playing away from home, when he can come home to THAT? I mean - come on! Fellas, you know what I'm saying, right? She is so fine it makes me want to whine.), is consulting her lawyers about a possible 'financial fucking over' of Mr Woods.

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