A few days after a national tabloid paper outed Tiger Woods on an affair, a second "other woman" came forward. The next day saw a few dozen. Thus far this morning, it has been thousands of women seeking headlines for admitting affairs with the world famous golfer.
"I didn't come forward because I knew that they was payin' money for stories," said Maureen Pennywhistle of Tulsa, Oklahoma. "I did it because I think Tiger's wife needs to know what kind of person he is and the children that he fathered with me. I also want him to step to the plate and to use his millions to help support my children."
Ms. Pennywhistle is the mother of eight children, aged 29 though 43. When told that Mr. Woods was only 34 years old, she had no comment except "show me the money!"
Mrs. Laverne Sealblood of Dawson, Alaska was another who admitted to affairs with Tiger. "Every time he plays gold, he comes to visit me." When told that Dawson has no golf course and that Tiger has never visited that town, she also yelled "show me the money."
Women (and men) from 123 different countries (most never visited by Woods) have come forward with confessions and allegations against Tiger. In fact, 87 altar boys at 63 different Catholic churches in 56 different cities and 12 different countrys have now said that it was Woods, and not their priest, that molested them. When told that he is not Catholic, they all sang in perfect Vienna Boys Choir Harmony "Show me the money."
An additional 84,212 people have claimed that Woods was their father and have demanded that he pay their mothers back child support. 2400 of these are full blooded Germanic men in their 40's and 50's, while 53% expressed shock and surprise to learn that Tiger is half black.
Experts believe that there will be more Tiger one night stands and love affairs than there were Howard Hughes wills. They also believe that Tiger will be accused of sleeping with more women in one week than Wilt Chamberlain admitted to during his lifetime.
When shown pictures of a group of his accusers, the golfer said "are there any more blondes? Show me the blondes."