Written by Monkey Woods
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Topics: Golf

Tuesday, 1 December 2009

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Clunk click, every trip

Tiger Woods, the world's number one golfer who was involved in a car crash outside his Florida home at the weekend, is recovering well, amid speculation as to why the smash happened in the first place.

Woods, the cousin of this writer, Monkey Woods, crashed his Cadillac 4x4 into a fire hydrant and then a tree. His wife Elin Nordegren rushed to his aid, and, according to her, the whole incident may have been as a result of one of the golfer's notorious farts.

Only three months ago a Woods' fart was recorded on videotape as he took practice swings for a shot at the Buick Open at Warwick Hills in August, a fart for which he was widely criticised as it stunk to fuck.

It's thought that this latest release of wind may have interfered with the vehicles braking system, or may, indeed, have overcome Woods, forcing him to temporarily lose consciousness.

Nordegren is reported to have told police:

"I opened up the car door and immediately knew what had happened. There was a rancid odour permeating from the vehicle, and it could only have been one of Tiger's choicest air biscuits."

Mr Woods (Tiger) has today announced that he will not be able to appear at his very own tournament, the Chevron World Challenge, because he has an arsehole strain.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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