The Irish today asked the FA and SFA for a replay of their invasion and settlement by English and Scottish incomers that culminated in the total defeat of Ireland in the early 1600s.
Ireland had never been a single nation until it was colonised by the British settlers, but this did not stop their manager Joe Trap O'Tony from saying: 'We are all very bitter about the invasion, there are many questions about it. Like why us? Why not Canada and America, New Zealand and Australia?'
'And we are angry that the rules were changed so that we got colonised first, as it gave us a head start against the other British colonies in trading and technology and employment, and later in factories and shipping and post offices and a modern legal system. And the English language, decent schools, railways and motor cars, telephones, universities and libraries. Why pick on us to give us all this first? It makes us Irish so angry!'
Another prominent Irish citizen, Provisional Temporary (Pending) Postponed Vice-Co-Unofficial Sinn Fein president Sir Geraldo Adam-Skiliffte, added: 'What did the British ever do for us? Apart from ...', and realising he was about to dig himself into a bigger hole than O'Tony, he quickly let off a couple of car bombs to make sure the subject was changed.
But UK Prime Minister Gordon Brown disagreed with the Irish complaints. 'Look', he said, 'you knew the rules of war and were beaten fair and square and conquered, so quit whinging about it, next thing you'll be blaming us for the Potato Famine, hahahaha!' And his Chancellor Alastair Darling added 'Kind of convenient to forget all the things the British did for you, isn't it?'
'And maybe the best invention of all we gave you was the sport of association football. And yet you still want excuses for getting beaten by teams like France, if you were any good at football you'd be doing what other small countries like Scotland and Holland have sometimes done - hammered some of the mightiest nations in the world at the game, but if they lost against them they never complained about it.'
George Best was British.