There was consternation at Old Trafford this afternoon when officials there reported that the facial plastic surgery planned for Manchester United and England forward and new daddy, Wayne Rooney, had already "encountered difficulties".
Apparently, never before has such extensive surgery been required, and no doctor can be found who is willing to take the risk of carrying out such a dangerous procedure.
The facelift, reported first by satirist Jaggedone last Friday, was to be carried out to facilitate a transfer to Spanish giants Barcelona, the Spaniards having stipulated that "certain changes" would have to be made to the Rooney noggin before any money changed hands.
The move could be worth as much as 100million Euros to United, but not if Rooney's mug remains in its current state. As it is, he is worth about as much as Gary Neville - not very much!