FCC HEADQUARTERS-- At a live televised press conference today, the FCC made a shocking announcement that the majority of America probably could agree with. The FCC, otherwise known as the Federal Communications Commission, served up an injunction to Vince McMahon ordering him to not go through with bringing the XFL back to National television. This court order would fine any networks responsible for broadcasting an XFL game. Fines ranging from $250,000 to $500,000 would be slapped on networks for each game they choose to air. This would leave networks no choice but to take it off the air because broadcasting the games would become such a liability.
FCC President, William Kennard, told the crowd, no longer shall Americans be forced to watch "crappy" football. "The XFL made a mockery out of real football; shooting footballs out of cannons for opening kickoffs," he stated. "And, who could forget the nicknames on the back of players jerseys?"
The FCC told our reportes that they made this decision because they knew that a dreaded comeback was inevitable. "As we all know the X-treme Football League is connected to professional wrestling you see." "We all know that pro wrestling is famous for played out comebacks." "Hulk Hogan, The Rock, and Stone Cold Steve Austin just to name a few." "So, we here at the FCC just blocked it before it happened."
Owner of the WWE, World Wrestling Entertainment, and entrepreneur Vince McMahon is not taking this sitting down. "We had a few bugs to work out of the XFL back in 2001, but we have accomplished that," said Vince. "Now I think that America deserves to see a more refurbished XFL if you may."
McMahon went onto say that this "new" XFL will no longer have a drug policy for players so anything can happenen. "Yeah, that's right," stated McMahon,. "players can be loaded up on all kinds of drugs and pills and there will be no repercussions. for their actions." Just think how good and interesting the games will get with this new twist."
A former NFL player, Ricky Williams, says he likes that idea and he has been thinking of signing up. "If I sign with the XFL, I want on the back of my jersey, "He Smokes Weed." Williams obviously got this idea from Rod Smart who was the infamous "He Hate Me" from the inaugural year for the XFL.
The FCC is still showing no signs of letting up though. "We here at the FCC are letting it be known that we will fine all underground and privately owned stations as well for broadcasting these horrific display of football games."