Written by IN SEINE
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Topics: David Haye

Monday, 9 November 2009

image for David Hay gets beaten up... By his mum!
World Championships: "One down with three to go!"

Newly-crowned heavyweight champion of the world, David 'The Hayemaker' Haye has come home to face being told off by his mum. Having beaten the 7' 2" Russian giant Nicolai Valuev at the weekend, the 'Eastender' flew home to a hero's welcome - that is until the saw his mother.

Having survived a frenzy of photographers at the airport, the 29-year-old boxer opened the front door of the family terraced home in Bermondsey only to see his mother standing at the end of the hallway with her hands on her hips and fire in her eyes.

'The Hayemaker' told In Seine News; "It's been a very interesting week! Yer know what I mean? I didn't think that I could beat him and so I thought I would be disrespecful to him and make him mad before taking him on. Yer know a bit of verbal abuse is what boxers do. Apart from boxing it is traditional to take the P***. I learnt a lot from Chris Eubank, who, to me is the King of it. If I couldn't win the fight, then I could have at least beat him up verbally. Yer know what I mean?"

"Anyways, the verbal abuse worked and he must of been so demoralised that he actually gave up - I was surprised that he did not knock my block off - there were some tasty wounds in there and the Lord of the Rings quote was a classic man!" He said with a grin.

"I just knew that there would be trouble when I saw my mum. She gave me a right ear-bashing for being so rude to the "Beast from the East". She said that I was very rude in commenting about his personal hygiene and about the way he looks (I am so glad that I did not say that he should be a gargoyle on the Kremlin). She also accused me of lying about my past when I said that it was "tough on the streets" because my dad drove me everywhere in his motor, yer know what I mean?"

"She has told me to write a letter of apology to Nicolai, otherwise she would beat me up with her trusty rolling pin if I didn't it - yer know what I mean?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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