Written by foshizzle
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Saturday, 7 November 2009

image for Torres: I'm Prettier Than Drogba
Man replicating Torres pose

Liverpool pretty boy Fernando Torres has responded to remarks made by Didier Drogba, that come May the two will be very close at the top of the scoring charts. While Torres refused to deny this, he had a wholly different system of determining who is the better man.

"Who knows who will score more? We both play for good teams, and we both cost a lot of money. When two teams are equal on points, they are separated by goal difference. As Didier and myself are equal in so many ways, I think we need our own 'goal difference'. If you ask anyone they will tell you it is looks that is the measure of a man, I don't know how close to me he'll be on that chart", claimed the leggy blond.

There have been already been precedents set for looks based rivalries in modern football. While French hunk David Ginola was duking it out with team mate and incomprehensible Geordie Peter Beardsley for the affections of the female fans, Newcastle United blew a 12 point lead, allowing Manchester United to win the league in the '95/96 season.

Torres is believed to be petitioning the F.A to hold a bi-annual beauty pageant to separate "the men from the boys and the boys from the girls".

One person who will not be lending his support to this concept is Manchester United Manager Alex Ferguson. Fergie has had to quickly dispense with many players who attempted to use their looks to earn undue respect among their team mates. David Beckham being the prime example.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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