Written by Abel Rodriguez
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Thursday, 5 November 2009

image for The New York Yankees Win The World Series For The 99th Time
The very first bat, ball, and glove that Hideki Matsui ever owned. All three were collectively sold on eBay for $7 million.

NEW YORK CITY - The New York Yankees have just won the 2009 World Series. They defeated the Philadelphia Phillies in game six 7 to 3.

And in capturing the world baseball title, Yankees owner George Steinbrenner has shown the sports world what spending $1.5 billion on a baseball stadium and $2.5 billion on players' salaries will 'getcha.'

Many baseball sports writers have already pointed out that the New York Yankees pay out more in yearly salaries to the Yankee players than all of the other 29 MLB teams combined.

Even the 14-year-old Yankees batboy Teddy Montefortino makes more than any of the players on the Florida Marlins team.

People (i.e. fans and sportswriters) are always talking about records with an asterisk (*) for this reason or an asterisk (*) for that reason.

Well the New York "Store Bought" Yankees have an asterisk (*) by their names the size of Madison Square Garden. And the reason that it is there is because Steinbrenner's Yankees are a perfect example of how a sports team owner can go out and spend billions and billions and billions of dollars to buy a championship.

Yankee star Hideki Matsui, who has already been in the United States for 16 years and still speaks hardly any English, was asked about the so-called asterisk world series.

He just grinned his normal grin and said that he does not cuss so he will not be remarking on the A-word.

Matsui, who's salary is so unbelievably enormous that he could buy the Japanese city of Osaka and probably about one-third of Tokyo does not even bank with an American banking institution.

He has instead opened up his own bank in Osaka named The First National Bank of Hideki Matsui. All of Matsui's money is in his bank and it has more assets than the rest of Japan's 28,501 banks combined.

The First National Bank of Hideki Matsui does not give out toasters with each new account. The FNBHM instead gives out brand new Honda Civics.

Meanwhile the Yankee pitcher with four "T's" in his last name, Andy Pettitte says that he is so excited he is thinking about adding a fifth "T" to his surname.

And New York superstar Alex Rodriguez, aka A-Rod remarked that it was a rough year for him. First he was involved in that steroid scandal. Secondly he had hip surgery. And thirdly he was unwillingly involved in that Madonna-A-Rod-Inflatable Doll Incident in Lisbon, Portugal.

Right after the game Yankee team captain Derek Jeter was asked to make a comment and all that he could say was, "Ahh ouuuu ahhhh, shiesh, mmmm-mmmm!"

Teammate CC Sabathia said that he would translate what Jeter had just said and he remarked, "Wiiiiii-wiiiiii-jes-wiiiiii jes jes."

ESPN did a live interview with Hideki Matsui. They asked him to comment in Japanese on how he felt. He replied, "Ahh ying jo, foo chow fasu saki moto taki hokey pokey Toyota."

When his interpreter Foo Fing Fly was asked to translate he rolled is eyes and replied that he had no idea in the world what the heck Hedeki had just said. Fly then smiled and said that as close as he could figure Heddy, as he calls him, said something about Toyota being the number one selling car in America.

SIDENOTE: The concession stand food at the new $1.5 billion Yankee stadium is the highest-priced food at any of the worlds sports venues. For example the good old traditional American baseball hot dogs sell for $11. Now if you want mustard, relish, and a wiener to go with the two mini-buns the price shoots up to $27.

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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